Timeline from a close source

 “I …tried to help Amanda through a lot of difficulties.

Amanda made a lot of bad choices, but just couldn’t stay out of the limelight – good or bad – that is mental illness, she had mental illness and that is where the focus needs to be… “

 I have spent many many months in question of how it all happened for Amanda and a truth of my own to understanding it…I know Norm has spent many nights doing the same. In 7 months I have never posted publicly regarding Amanda, this has been for Norm and I a very private journey, and while I could never go down the public road that Carol has, we all have our way of coping with Amanda’s death…I will say, it has been difficult for many people to understand Carol’s approach and like you say, if it were one of my own children, I would be despondent for weeks, maybe even months. As it was, I loved Amanda too and was in a pretty dark place after her passing for many weeks.

In her grade 7 year, Amanda went to live with her father and was there for 2 years +. Carol and her were not getting along, Carol was trying to set boundaries and ground rules that Amanda would not accept. She asked to live with her dad. She had only returned to live with her mom in the spring of 2012 by which point she was Agoraphobic and spent most of her time locked up in her bedroom. During the years of her internet nightmares I think her dad thought, like many parents,  that a daughter locked up in her bedroom quiet is better than one out on the streets hanging out and getting into “trouble.” THERE IN lies the rub…parents think because their teens are home “safe and sound” in their rooms that they are just that, “safe and sound” – couldn’t be farther from the truth and that is the lesson to be learned.

 Narcissistic behaviour is not “confident” behaviour, and many narcissists have VERY low self esteem whilst commanding attention to themselves…it’s a proportionate formula – the bigger the need for “grandiosity” the lower the esteem. Amanda’s is a story of extremes – trying to help her was tough, her friends and those that tried to support her saw her suffering terribly, curled up with a blanket on the bathroom floor for  3 days wrapped around the bathroom toilet through Christmas 2010, lying in ditches and running away in winter with no shoes or coat, she would call for help, talk honestly and with clarity, then turn around two weeks later and do it all again. Her father tried taking her off facebook and cell phone for a month here and there -forms of punishment. She would sit in her room in depression-serious withdrawl from an addiction that like many addictions in the end can ruin you. She didn’t have the skills to fight it…we have to arm kids with understanding about the ultimate ruin that can come from the internet draw. and FYI …

….Carol drove out to Surrey in her pajamas at 2 in the morning to get Amanda on this night you speak of…in fact, she drove to pick up her daughter many a time at ungodly hours to rescue her from yet another “bad scene” she had gotten herself into…) = as I said before , these are not things the public knows about…

Amanda –

birth to 2010 – grows up in active normally dysfunctional family ( like most ) but is ADHD, impulsive and emotionally “unstable”

2010 – makes bad choice as young teen by posting what she did – was already struggling with major difficulties in learning at school

2010-2012 – pays for this bad choice and for the many other postings (which I have never seen and do not wish to) through extreme cyberslandering/bullying  that branched through all schools and communities in her region and  school yard bullying as well…despite her many bad choices Amanda went through a degree of torture and ostracization that no adult could have tolerated

2012 – becomes Agoraphobic and depressed, doesn’t know how to handle her difficulties any more

2012-  meets boy that seems to care about her, all the while battling depression, many reach out to help, she doesn’t see the love and caring from the good people, boy hurts her badly, she ends her life…..

Oct 10, 2012- something about her story and message touches the world – her straightforward and creative delivery of her message on the internet? the way she looked? her courage to say “to hell with this place, I am out of here”? her need for “fame” and “attention” that she couldn’t get in life, maybe thought she could get in death? …a mother trying to redeem herself/her daughter’s life and find purpose for her daughter’s death through an unmatchable committment to change the things that contributed to the loss of Amanda.This is a multi-layered and complex story…sadly, there are many more teenagers out there going through the same things…how as an individual or as a society we are to help is a big mountain to climb…but you have to admit, through Amanda’s death and Carol’s outreach, the waters are being churned…people are talking and searching for answers at all levels…and in my world, most people are looking to do good, not “looky looing” at naked  pictures posted by a young girl who was “very messed up”….and I will move on in my world of “do-gooders” where my soul rests calmly and thoughtfully unfettered by the nauseating few who for whatever reason choose a different path.

Continued in next post.